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The Best and Worst Things of 2006
andersonenvy
andersonenvy
written
by Kenny Anderson





BEST
WORST
Best Invention:
Worst Invention:
invention_best.jpg
invention_best.jpg
The Loc8tor
The Chia Alarm Clock
Simply attach a transmitter to your keys, wallet, or whatever you usually lose, and the Loc8tor will find it for you. Perfect for total losers like myself.
This is Ch-Ch-Ch-Cheezy as hell. Who'd want to wake up to that annoying-ass song? Alarm Clocks are for working class slops anyways.
Best News Story:
Worst News Story:
invention_best.jpg
invention_best.jpg
Saddam
Executed
Immigration
Protest

Justice was served when this goonatic got hung mid-sentence as he was taunted by masked men. Dude was killed like a sick pig.

Is
illegal immigration news? No one was going to do anything relevant, nor will they ever. These guys need to rent Traffic and relax.
Best Religion:
Worst Religion:
invention_best.jpg
invention_best.jpg
Judaism
Atheism
Matisyahu
is dead ill. Not to mention Jews get tons of days off. While the rest of us "celebrated" Columbus Day, these fools slept in for Yom Kippur.
Atheism
seems just plain goofy. Even if there is no God, isn't it worth a gamble just in case you end up gnashing your teeth in hell? Please.
Best Job:
Worst Job:
invention_best.jpg
invention_best.jpg
Pro
Skateboarder
Coal
Miner
These skalanktroids get $Millions for simply playing games in school parking lots and sporting DC shirts. Then they get their own MTV show.
Mining
Coal sucks plenty, but being trapped in the mine and suffocating on your own skank would be enough to scare Loretta Lynn's dad!
Best City:
Worst City:
invention_best.jpg
invention_best.jpg
Austin, TX
Green Bay, WI
2 years in a row, ATX dominates the metropolis's to win best city. SXSW, official pretty girls, and superb BBQ were the deciding factors.
GB offers nothing of value. The lame casino and ugly strippers try to help, but utterly fail. Plus they all talk weird. "Would ya like a baaaag?"
Best Politician:
Worst Politician:
invention_best.jpg
invention_best.jpg
Nancy Pelosi
Dick Cheney
I welcome San Franciso values: Gay fags, bum cash, street urination, and fucking over the military. Hail to the first lady of sin!
This "straight shooter" took all your income tax and lined his pockets with bird shot. Then he told that Bush drone to "stay the course".
Best Movie:
Worst Movie:
Jackass Number Two
Gridiron Gang
From the opening penis-mouse sequence, I didn't stop laughing. Even the bloopers were worth staying in the theater for.
Even though I didn't see the movie, the preview was enough for this to warrant worst. Gridiron doesn't step up to the challenge.
Best Actor:
Worst Actor:
Daniel Craig in Casino Royale
Daniel Johnston in Devil & Daniel Johnston
Finally, a real Bond. I actually liked Brosnan, but next to Craig he seems like a pussy. The TV commercials are right: DC is the best Bond ever.
This overweight maniac couldn't even manage to play himself. Ambiguity was lost in translation and don vito-like sputterances.
Best Actress:
Worst Actress:
Rachel Weisz in The Fountain
Kate Beckinsale in Underworld:Evolution
Who else could deliver the ridiculous line, "Together we will live nforever" with such elegance? Weisz plays kul-a-shay from queen to tree.
It's pretty bad when even a hot chick can't save a joke film, but Beckinsale's shit acting isn't enough to even keep my goth friends interested.
Best Album:
Worst Album:
Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (Arctic Monkeys)
Ys (Joanna Newsom)
'06 was a pretty bad year for music. Arctic Monkeys was the least of the evils, and provided enough drunken air guitar entertainment for the entire year.
Maybe I'm naive, but the "so bad it's good" idea is no idea ut'ull. What's the point of 12 minute long screeching randomness? Straight puke.
Best Song:
Worst Song:
"Get 'Em Daddy (Remix)" by Cam'Ron
"Yeah Yeah Yeah Song" by Flaming Lips
It's impossible not to look tough listening to this on your ipod whilst walking through a crowd. Just try to walk normal. You'll see.
What a let down! The Lips follow up Yoshimi with this crap song (and video) about fake power. Even The Pussycat Dolls song had substance!
Best
Tour:
Worst
Tour:
Art Brut
All-American Rejects
AB busts up the mass with their insane antics. As the band prances around the stage, the molester-mustached singer tippy-toes into infamy.
Not
only is their music god-awful, but the poser of a singer somehow manages to say the dumbest shit between each and every song they play.
Best
TV Show:
Worst
TV Show:
Lost
American Idol
I actually like the new direction of the show... I don't think it's getting too weird, I think it's finally getting interesting!
Star Search was a good show. This is simply a karaoke contest judged by a bunch of hacks. Even the contestants are jokes in real life. Die.
Best
Radio Program:
Worst
Radio Program:
Coast to Coast AM
The Rush Limbaugh Show
George
Noory takes C2C to the top once again. As the scary stories keep me awake, I can forget about all that crap I need to do in the morning.
I usally take what this guy says with a grain of cocaine, but 2006 was a bad year for Rush, as he decided to attack Marty McFly himself. Oops.
Best Magazine:
Worst Magazine:
Time Out
Playgirl
New York, London, Paris, Munich, everybody talk about...Hmmm? Pop Music, Art,
Comedy, Theater, Film, Events, etc. etc. etc. etc.
Who reads this thing? Women? Gay men? I think neither. The only thing this boner-gawk magazine is good for is a white elephant gift.
Best Athlete:
Worst Athlete:
Gianluigi Buffon
Troy Smith
If Buffon hadn't blocked so many shots on goal, France may have been the champions. Thank you Godluigi. Buy Puma.
Huh? He wins the Heisman then gets sacked like 50 times to lose the championship! Smith will soon be a legend but meantime he is a real loser.
Best Sport's Moment:
Worst Sport's Moment:
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Romo blows it
The best thing about the fight was that it came out of nowhere. Without instigation, the Miami adminisration wasn't sure who to suspend.
It's
a sad day whenever a fat fanatic couch potato can do better than a pro athlete. If I didn't hate Troy Smith, Romo would also win worst athlete.
Best Artist:
Worst Artist:
Rob
Sheridan
Jerry
Allen Brem
About
90% of everything I make somehow ends up being a rip-off of the NIN photographer
/ cinemetographer / web designer.
Brem
paints cows like a 5 year old, and, not having a venue to show these monsters
in, puts them up for sale in Austin ice cream shops.
Best
Website:
Worst
Website:
www.demonoid.com
www.azlyrics.com
Why
pay for movies, music and applications? This members-only torrent
site is less-monitored than piratebay but has just as many tunes.
A
simple google search for song lyrics will point you to this non-working
website full of annoying ads and pop-ups. Why does it even exist?
Best
Car:
Worst
Car:
Cadillac
SRX
Chevy
Silverado
This
is worth it's weight in gas. XM radio, warming seats, auto mirrors, crash
warning system, and room for sex. You can ride dirty in this car.
The
commercial alone made this the worst vehicle of 2006. After portraying
"our" country as a backwoods wasteland, this is NOT my truck.
Best
Drug:
Worst
Drug:
Adderall
Nicotine
The
ADHD cure-all works wonders for normal people. It puts you in hyper-focus
without all the nasty side effects of smoking crack.
Cigarettes
got to me in 2006. After a month-long coughing fit, I decided it was time
to quit, but couldn't because they are addictive! Help!
Best
Store
Worst
Store:
The
Apple Store
Kohl's
Where
else can you check your email, attend a seminar, and make fun of geeks all
for free? Only problem: crowds of people asking about iphones.
Sure,
everything's 80% off, but only because it's throwaways from real
department stores. Don't expect that discount on your returns, either.
Best
Restaurant:
Worst
Restaurant:
Madam
Mam's (Austin, TX)
Fino
(Austin, TX)
Chooing
your delicious Thai dish is as easy as sitting at a traffic light. Red is
sweet. Green is spicy. Yellow is somewhere in between. Mmmmm.
This
pretentious strip mall establishment attracts only the finest wankers.
Their specialty: Tiny portions of fish food and watered-down gin.
Best
Food:
Worst
Food:
Buffalo
Chicken Wings
Canned
Peaches
Who
cares if they're messy? These tender little delights are good any time of
the day, and even go with beer. I could eat about a gagillion.
Beets
almost took the crown here, but peaches reign supreme as nastiest slime
ball food. 4th year in a row, will it make it a 5th? Time will tell.
Best
Hang Out:
Worst
Hang Out:
Doyle's
(Clinton, IA)
New
York Public Library
Without anyone to impress, you can get away with anything in this local bar. Pitcher's of beer are only $2 and they don't card minors. Sweet.
A great place for A/C on a hot day, but I thought people only "shhh'd" you in movies. Even youngsters will tell you to "please keep it down."
Best
Accesory:
Worst
Accesory:
Burger King Star Wars Watch
Leggings/Tights
These
reversable timepieces actually give you 2 wicked watch designs in one. Plus
you can find the entire set (6 watches) on ebay for only 99¢.
I
welcomed the return of the babysitters club until I saw some fat chick
sporting these. Trendy snowpants would be a good compromise.
Best
Hair-Do:
Worst
Hair-Do:
Bald
Dreds
Hair
in general is kind of disgusting. It's just dead cells and requires too
much maintenance. Bald guys can cut their own hair and save on toiletries.
This
is just plan gross. I heard that you can't even wash your hair when you
have dredlocks! At least Medusa could shampoo her snakes.

  • 1
I downloaded Joanna Newsome, then wondered why I was listening to Bjork.

Then deleted it.

haha

(Anonymous)
haha
doyles
and i totally wear one of my star wars watches everyday.

BRAZIL

Best and Worst Lists

(Anonymous)
Best list:

20 Movies We Can't Wait to See in 2007, by AOL

Worst list:

The Best and Wost Things of 2006, by Kenny Anderson

well......................................................................................................................................................alright, I liked the list, but I like ripping on Kenny more.

Better than the VH1 lists, but best city is Austin Texas? Best website is a torrent site? ... ... I'm not so sure.

Re: OK

(Anonymous)
is fucked UP!!!!

how can you say troy smith is worst athlete of 06? the nat. championship wasn't till 07

evern if it was he's the heisman winner by far not the worst

I can't wait to see if canned peaches goes five-for-five in 2007.

See for yourself...
best and worst 07 on my page

  • 1
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