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The Best and Worst Things of 2007
andersonenvy
andersonenvy
BEST
WORST
Best
Invention:
Worst
Invention:
iPhone
Bladder Buddy
Nevermind the annoying commericals, once it can finally read flash sites, this device will make computers obsolete. Just don't drop it.
Easily the worst invention from the TV series American Inventor was The Bladder Buddy. It's a bag you piss in from the bleachers.
Best
News Story:
Worst
News Story:
No Gays in Iran
Writers go on Strike!
As if Ahmadinejad's visit wasn't bizarre enough, he still managed out out-weird himself by saying there are no gay people in his country, confirming himself a lunatic.
Apparently, making a $Gazillion to write bad TV shows while being completely out of touch isn't good enough for the WGA. I'd rather read a book.
Best
Religion:
Worst
Religion:
Judaism
Jehova's Witness
2 Years in a row... Judaism is the key to getting out of any boring situation. Hate your job? Invent a holiday. In fact, take a long weekend. Screw work. Yeah.
I can't really get down with a religion that involves old ladies forcing homeless people to bother me at my own house. Whatever.
Best
Job:
Worst
Job:
The Apprentice
Gay Politician
Wasn't sure I'd want to work for Donald Trump until I saw the last winner coming out of his Gulfstream V to sign autographs, living large and in charge.
Being a major politician is already a pretty scrutinizable job, but having to hide your sexual preference to millions really sucks balls. Get it?
Best
City:
Worst
City:
New York,
NY
Aspen, CO
Beyond the grime and beggars, NYC actually has a lot of interesting things going on every single second of every day. Whoever you are, there's something for you.
I don't really understand the point of this town. It may be the most fake place in the USA, and the beer doesn't flow like wine.
Best
Politician:
Worst
Politician:
Mike Huckabee
Larry Craig
And they're off! Huckabee is legitimately a clever trevor... a minister who sends people to the electric chair? Big government, son... He has my vote.
There sure are a lot of perverted politicians these days, but at least the others had the decency to spank outside of public restrooms.
Best
Movie:
Worst
Movie:
There Will Be Blood
Pirates: At World's End
PTA's masterpiece proves that our generation's greatest filmmakers didn't learn from UCLA or NYU, but by watching films in their own living rooms. New School.
I avoided it as well as I could, but I finally watched this crap during a 7 hour flight. I should've just taken 4 sleeping pills.
Best
Actor:
Worst
Actor:
Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood
Jon Voight in September Dawn
Who could doubt this decision? DDL gives his best performance in ages. Not nearly as over-the-top as Gangs, but not nearly as sappy as Mohicans.
Although I didn't actually see this BSM, I can accurately judge from the preview that this is the worst move of Voight's entire career. Ouch.
Best
Actress:
Worst
Actress:
Kelly MacDonald in No Country For Old Men
Leslie Mann in Knocked Up
She pulls off the dumb damsel in distress character without asking for any pity points. She's not even that hot... but did she live? I'm confused.
I don't watch Lindsey Lohan movies, so I have to go with Apatow's insanely unfunny wife whose improv ruined yet another film.
Best
Album:
Worst
Album:
Year Zero (Nine Inch Nails)
Volta
(Bjork)
Now this is what the end of the world should sound like! Trent Reznor finally turns off MTV and makes an album for his amazing mass of cult fans.
The fine line between music and noise becomes very blurry in this ear-bleeder. I generally don't mind Bjork but this whole album reeks.
Best
Song:
Worst
Song:
"All I Need " by Radiohead
"Rockstar" by Nickelback
Pyramid Song's little brother remains quite stripped-down but becomes the most relevant song in ages. Infinity? OK... You got it.
This may be the most ridiculous song/video combination ever made. Many have considered the lip-synch idea, but never stooped to that level.
Best
Tour:
Worst
Tour:
Ex-Friends
Caustic Christ
Check it out: An indie band that doesn't sound like The Killers. The Ex-Friends don't even put on much of a show, besides jam-tastic good-time tunes.
Yo, I couldn't understand a word these cyber-punks were screaming. I just saw a bunch of skinny white nerds butting heads to the wretched noise.
Best
TV Show:
Worst
TV Show:
Extras
The Tyra Banks Show
Although the series had its dull moments, the finale really brought the episodes together, and Gervais's message about fame & success came across nicely.
I never really bought into the saying: "Everything that's wrong with America"... until I saw this show. Sucks to be fat.
Best
Radio Program:
Worst
Radio Program:
Coast
to Coast AM
The Laura Ingraham Show
George
Noory wins for the 3rd year in a row. I am starting to think this show has no real competition. Even satellite radio has nothing on Coast.
I used to listen to her just to get angry... but ever since she visited the Green Zone, she's gotten too cocky to even suffer through.
Best
Magazine:
Worst
Magazine:
magazine_best.jpg
Time
Out
Star
Even though it's for chicks, this magazine still has pretty solid reviews, and its event listings can't be bested... no matter which city you're in.
It's not so much the content of this ridiculous publication, but the fact that I am forced to read celebrity gossip while in line to buy snacks.
Best
Athlete:
Worst
Athlete:
Joe Torre
Michael Vick
Sure, he's a manager, and I'm no Yankees fan, but Torre really showed the unappreciative billionares who's the man by giving the big F.U. to their silly antics.
Just when I thought pro athletes had done it all, Vick's Bad Newz Dogfighting kennels were found. Then he acted all innocent. Gay.
Best
Sport's Moment:
Worst
Sport's Moment:
Da Bears
The World Series
Chicago takes the NFC championship to face The Colts in what can only be described as the coolest midwestern sports match-up in decades.
The World Series in general was the worst moment in 2007 sports. I can only assume that no one in Denver believes in God anymore.
Best
Artist:
Worst
Artist:
Matt Keegan
Shepard Fairey
Keegan's non-stop modern art exhibits in Chelsea were nothing compared to the "Hands Across America" project that he has in the works. I'm not biased.
How is it that an artist today can get hired by one of the biggest bands in the world, and make such a piece of shit trash-bag cover?
Best
Website:
Worst
Website:
www.wikipedia.org
www.mtv.com
OK, I finally admit that I use this daily. It's probably the most important site currently online, and really puts the You in TIME's person of the year.
MTV actually managed to make a website just as annoying as their channel. The clumsy flash makes any computer melt-down upon entry.
Best
Car:
Worst
Car:
Hyundai
Elantra
Porsche Cayenne
This little number is really all you need on today's highways. It's affordable with decent gas mileage, but also not nearly as boring as a Civic.
Perfect for guys who wear socks with sandals: This SUV made by Porsche was created for soccer moms in a hurry or a family of 4 douche-bags.
Best
Drug:
Worst
Drug:
Alcohol
Nicotine
I can't decide what's better: a bottle of wine, 4 bloody mary's, or a 6 pack of Pale Ale. In any case, I'd rather be wasted than typing dumb shit on the internet.
Just say no. Cigarettes turn you into a stinky paper zombie. I seriously pity the fool who can't manage kick the bad habit.
Best
Store:
Worst
Store:
Century 21
Circuit City
Why pay full price for clothes at some snooty store with only a few items? At Century 21 you can gear up on sick Penguin attire like all the other mad shoppers.
How can I look through the CDs you don't have when I'm being getting attacked by leeches that work on comission? No, I don't want a 60" TV.
Best
Restaurant:
Worst
Restaurant:
Red Lobster
Pizza Inn
Even though they ditched the beads in the Lobsterita, this chain still dominates with their buttery bread, caesar salad & build-your-own feast trifecta.
I'd love to meet the genius who came up with the idea for this restaurant. How could he sit in a room with a straight face and pitch this? Yuck.
Best
Food:
Worst
Food:
Caesar Salad
Canned
Peaches
Caesar salad (hold the chicken) is the best appetizer of the year. It goes with almost any meal and basically just makes you a lot more hungry for the main course. 5 for 5 beatch! These little slimey puke-wads still make me want to cut my tongue out and just eat baby food forever.
Best
Hang Out:
Worst
Hang Out:
Couch
Starbucks
With wireless internet, text messaging, digital cable, indoor heating, home delivery, and fuzzy pillows I see no need to ever stand up anymore. Zzzzz...
How can people sit there and pretend to be on the internet when the place is so packed? Don't they feel bad wasting valuable seating space?
Best
Accesory:
Worst
Accesory:
Cubs Hat
Fake Glasses
You can look dope and support a completely neutral team. Why wear a hat that 90% of baseball fans will hate you for? Cubbies are always a favorite.
Glasses are supposed to make you look smarter... all these do is make you look like a drunk skank from NYU.
Best
Hair-Do:
Worst
Hair-Do:
Messy
Trendy
If you want your hair to appear messed-up, why not just pay your little sister to cut it with play scissors and then wash it with hard water? It's almost too easy.
Looking like you just got a trendy haircut is a recipe for embarrassment, particularly if you got it both featherd & styled for around $35.

  • 1
i would rather eat dead rotting corpses than eat at Red Lobster. other than that, pretty accurate list.

oh, and nicotine is totally awesome. it makes you not want to stab people (as often).

Anton kills her more explicitly in the book (or so I hear, I haven't read it), so I'm guessing that she's dead.

I absolutely HAAAAAATE "Rockstar."

kenny. remember hendrickson? i'm trying to find that crazy motherfucker and i can't remember how his name is spelled. i think it's daniel hendrickson. but i can't remember. you got anything?

Hmmm...
I know who you mean but I have no idea
I thought there was an "S-E-N" at the end?

Beats me

yeah, i thought so too. he's a tough man to find.

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